written by Mr. Hugo (elephant)

So I hear you wanna join the circus, huh kid? 

Let me give you some advice - donʼt. Life in under the Big Top ainʼt all fresh hay and peanuts.I used to be like you - bright-eyed, full of hope. I too listened when the circus recruiters came and talked about waking up each day in a new town and nights spent in front of cheering crowds. What the recruiters forget to mention are the 23 hours between shows.Itʼs lonely, for starters. Youʼre on the road nine months a year. 

Think youʼre gonna meet some great gal at a local zoo? One willing to drop everything and follow you cross-country as a circus groupie? Oh, please! Let me tell you how your nights are gonna be spent - alone, in the mess tent playing cards with me, some midgets and the union drivers.And by the way? The tents stink. Ever see a washing machine big enough to hold a circus tent?-- Oh Hell, why am I even wasting my breath? Youʼre gonna do what you want. Mark my words though, five years from now youʼre gonna be standing backstage before showtime, the guy coming up behind you with the stick and youʼre gonna think, I shouldʼve listened to the old geezer. I shouldʼve never joined the circus. 

But by then itʼll be too late. Check out Monster.com. See any job offerings for middle-aged elephants?The circus is no life, kid. Once youʼre in it, you never get out. Itʼs like porn. There. I said my peace. 

Now get outta here and leave me alone.

Written by Higgins (donkey)

I'm lazy? Is that what I heard you say? Yeah well, I don't see YOU walking up and down the Grand Canyon twice a week. Do me a favor, would ya? Grab that knapsack over there and take it up that mountain for me. Oh, and make sure they tie it on real loose so that the pots and pans rattle the whole way up. What's was that? Yeah, I didn't think you'd want to.

I'm stubborn too, right? That's the stereotype, isn't it? Lazy and stubborn. Let me tell you why I'm stubborn. Because I'm smarter than you. That's right, I said it. I've walked these damn trails a thousand times. Just cause you're too inexperienced to recognize a trial not worth following doesn't mean I should have to go that way also, Mr. I'm So Stupid I Pack Heavy Canned Foods On A Backpacking Trip.

You're mistaking laziness for economy of motion. I move slow. You pegged me. You're SO smart. I'm saving my energy. You ever think of that? What happens when they need someone to haul some Top Secret Anti-Alien Missile Device to the top of the mountain to save the world before it's destroyed? Who are they gonna turn to? I'll tell you who - the smart animal who's been conserving his energy.

Go ahead and call me names but I'll be the one saving the planet, not you. Who'll be the ass then? Huh? Who?