written by Leanord (skunk)

"Oh no! Here comes Mr. Stinky." I know that's what you and your friends say whenever I approach. How do you think that makes me feel?


Why does my odor always have to be the thing that defines me? Skunks have other, positive attributes, you know. We're clever. We're good with tools. Ever consider those things when one of us is heading over? Ever say to yourself, "Here comes a skunk. Fantastic! I'll bet he can help me build these bookshelves!" No, you probably think, "Darn, he's gonna contaminate my wood. The bookshelves are gonna smell like wet shoes now."

There are a lot of things worse than the smell of a skunk. Ever take a whiff of a sumo wrestler's gym bag or the porto-potties at a state fair? Ever been to Savannah on a Friday night in August? Look, I'm not saying skunks don't have an odor problem. I'm just saying let's put it in perspective, maybe look beyond it for once.

We have feelings too.

Written by Higgins (donkey)

I'm lazy? Is that what I heard you say? Yeah well, I don't see YOU walking up and down the Grand Canyon twice a week. Do me a favor, would ya? Grab that knapsack over there and take it up that mountain for me. Oh, and make sure they tie it on real loose so that the pots and pans rattle the whole way up. What's was that? Yeah, I didn't think you'd want to.

I'm stubborn too, right? That's the stereotype, isn't it? Lazy and stubborn. Let me tell you why I'm stubborn. Because I'm smarter than you. That's right, I said it. I've walked these damn trails a thousand times. Just cause you're too inexperienced to recognize a trial not worth following doesn't mean I should have to go that way also, Mr. I'm So Stupid I Pack Heavy Canned Foods On A Backpacking Trip.

You're mistaking laziness for economy of motion. I move slow. You pegged me. You're SO smart. I'm saving my energy. You ever think of that? What happens when they need someone to haul some Top Secret Anti-Alien Missile Device to the top of the mountain to save the world before it's destroyed? Who are they gonna turn to? I'll tell you who - the smart animal who's been conserving his energy.

Go ahead and call me names but I'll be the one saving the planet, not you. Who'll be the ass then? Huh? Who?

written by Chuck (cat)

Yeah, I clawed up the speaker grills! And I'll do it again. I'll keep doing it until you get it through your thick skull that I do not like jazz. 

Would it kill you to play some U2 every once in awhile? Maybe a little Wings or John Hyatt? Look at your bottom shelf. You have at least a dozen Broadway show albums. When was the last time you put on "Rent"? Or "How To Succeed,", the one starring Matthew Broderick?

You can ramble on all you want about jazz not being about the notes but about what's between the notes... how it's sophisticated... I've heard you explain it again and again to all those girls you bring home. And okay, I can see at those particular times how Miles Davis might be a better choice than the soundtrack to "Company." But late Sunday afternoons? After she's packed up her stuff and left? Time to put on something that has an actual melody. When I'm in my litter box taking a constitutional, I don't want complicated syncopation between a tenor sax and a piano. I want Joni Mitchell. It's easy to poop to Joni Mitchell. 

So do we understand each other now? I'm sure buying new speaker grills won't be cheap. Don't make me ruin the new ones also.