 written by Garrett (bird)
I'm a Air-Safety Consultant. I work for the mining industry. With the tragic mining incidents of late, I want to assure the public that we birds working in mine safety do not take our responsibility lightly. Donʼt let these bright and well-plumed feathers fool you - Iʼm not just something pretty to look at. Iʼm a highly trained first responder. Itʼs my job to alert authorities if thereʼs a build up of toxic gas anywhere in the shaft. In many cases my expert judgment is the only thing that stands between you and the cold hands of death. I can tell the difference between getting tired from too many sunflower seeds and getting tired from methane gas. Can you? No offense, but I doubt it. Not unless youʼve been through the extensive training programs that I have. Nor can you probably differentiate between the benign flatulence of a miner and the deadly buildup of carbon monoxide. Again, I can. I have nothing against all you birds out there who spend your days going back and forth between sunning yourselves and tapping on shiny bells. Hey, if thatʼs how they wish to spend your life, what business do I have telling you not to? Just donʼt expect me to join you anytime soon. If you want to find me, Iʼll be at work. Protecting lives.
1 Comment
 written by Simon (turkey)
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Usually a day that is associated with the wholesale slaughter of your species would fall low on someoneʼs list of favorite holidays. But not mine. I choose to see the glass as half full. Iʼm an optimist. Thanksgiving forces turkey rafters to spend quality time together. Knowing any member of your family might not be there in the morning, having been grabbed before dawn, their head sliced off with the blade of a rusty axe, encourages you to cherish each moment. It brings urgency to say what we have to say to the ones we love. Something that makes you live as if each day was the last, well, how can that be a bad thing? The truth is all of us can die at any time - drunk drivers, planes falling from the sky... At least turkeys have a clue when death might come. Think of all those poor rodents who died crossing the road and now sit in heaven with unfinished business. If I had to pick one thing that helps me keep my weight down, itʼs Thanksgiving. The fatter you are, the higher your risk of saying goodbye. Iʼll take Thanksgiving over Atkins any day. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Thatʼs my motto. Like a said, Iʼm an optimist. |
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